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Motu Proprio Signals a New 'Dark Ages'

If you can't beat them, join them. (Note: For those satirically challenged, please see the definition of parody)

Rome — Pope Benedict, a former Hitler youth, will tell Roman Catholic priests in coming days that they can say mass in Latin— a dead language the no one knows anymore—as a concession to right wing extremists in the church, known as traditionalists.See Related Story.
Summorum Pontificum a Blow to Sinners, Hell-Based Community Groups.
——Papal document damages relations with sinners and demons.


The decree by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is known as a Motu Proprio. This cryptic latin phrase can be loosely translated “I can do whatever I want because I am the Pope and you can’t stop me.”

The Latin Mass, also known as the Tridentine mass, is a product of the ‘dark ages’ and was understandably jettisoned by the reforms of the Second Vatican Council. The latin mass is said by the priest with his back to the congregation whispering secret prayers that only he can understand. In the Tridentine mass the laity does not participate at all , so they often turn to knitting, macramé, or checkers to pass the time.

The move by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, has raised concern about reviving parts of the old liturgy that Jews consider anti-Semitic, gays consider homo-phobic, women consider sexist, dwarves consider anti-dwarfic (communion rails are too high), and priests consider too difficult to learn.

The publication of this document is to be accompanied by a letter from the Pope, a former Hitler youth, to individual bishops explaining why he is doing this against their will and better judgment.

French Cardinal Singe de Reddition commented, “We are très disturbed by this action by the Pope, a former Hitler youth. We are très, très upset about this. We just managed to get all these people to stop coming to church and we are très afraid that the Churches will fill up again. If that happens, the rest of Europe is sure to look down on us, you know, the way we look down on everyone else.”

It is widely believed that the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is restoring the mass as a copout to the right wing group known as Lefebvrists and that this constitutes a complete rejection of all the reforms of Vatican II.

It remains unclear at this time, since the exact contents of the documents are still unknown, how long it will be before the Church sets up the Inquisition again. Details should be available in “a few days.”

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87 comments:

Aristotle said...

Great post! I enjoyed it IMMENSELY!

Patrick Archbold said...

Thanks Aristotle,
Unfortunately, It probably is not much of an exaggeration.

Anonymous said...

The only darkness I can see is between your bigoted ears. Secularism is the Dark Ages. The Latin Mass is the epitome of high culture and devotion, something an unsophisticate such as yourself couldn't comprehend.

Left-wingers sadly are nothing but foul-mouthed, narrow-minded egotists, and you aren't an exception.

Doug said...

Hah!
I don't know what is funnier, your post or the anonymous comment!

Anonymous said...

Laughing so hard I can barely see keyboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O:-)

Tony said...

That was funny??? Ha ha, or whatever. Get a life.

Anonymous said...

Tony,
par·o·dy Pronunciation[par-uh-dee] –noun
1. a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing

Iosephus said...

I like it. Let us know when you have more details about the Inquisition . . . .

Anonymous said...

Well put.

Anonymous said...

Oh! I wasn't expecting the Inquisition . . .

RobK said...

It is always good when a post can make you laugh out loud.

Alexandra said...

I am SO psyched for the Inquisition! Do you think it is a black-tie event? God Bless Pope Benedict, Former Hilter Youth, for bring back a little class around here. Maybe it's white tie event.

Anonymous said...

Details should be available in “a few days.”

This is the funniest line of all.

Patrick Archbold said...

Alexandra,
LOL.
If it is white tie, I am so there. You bring the Iron Maiden and I will bring the Rack.

Martin Tohill said...

I don't think you mentioned that B XVI was a FORMER HITLER YOUTH!

Clearly another Catholic coverup job.

Anonymous said...

So, do you write for the Times? 'Cause this post sounds a lot like what they would print as truth.

Sharon

Arthur said...

Brilliant. I loved it. Are you Episcopalian?

Patrick Archbold said...

Sharon,
Me, Work for the times? Never.

But if you read enough of that stuff, you can write it in your sleep!

Patrick Archbold said...

Arthur,
Happily Roman Catholic! Thanks.

Leticia said...

Seriously, Patrick you should submit this to Newsday, they're always looking for more journalists like you!

Rope-a-Pope said...

Well, I guess it's better to be a Hitler Youth than a child molester, like 90% of the Church. Wait, we don't know that Benedict isn't a child molester or sympathiser, do we?

Parody! Can't complain!!! Ha ha.

Anonymous said...

Chuckle.

I *do* know from sitting years of living in eastern Pennsylvania that as a group, your typical SuperCatholic often has nice things to say about Hitler, or at least bad things to say about the Spanish or others moving into the neighborhood.

THX1138 said...

Patrick - I hate to inform you of your ignorance but the hitler youth was mandatory for all boys regardless if you liked it or not.
Secondly - There was a church before Vatican II and it had more class than it does now.

VIVA IL PAPPA BENEDICTO!

Patrick Archbold said...

THX,
Please read the disclaimer for the satirically challenged.

Patrick Archbold said...

Leticia,
I know, I would probably make editor in no time!

eufemia budicin said...

Très is the right spelling even for the "reformers"

Patrick Archbold said...

Never could get my accents right...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ne O'Connor said...

What's so funny. As a German soldier the pope could have gotten hold of some weapons and stopped the holocaust.

crusader88 said...

Excellent post! I will link to it on my blog.

Anonymous said...

There are so many other things in this fallen world that can be made fun of. Those commenting with compliments are obviously not Catholics. A Catholic does not use humor to mock the Church. We do have a sense of humor but there is nothing funny about the crisis in the Church and the matter of salvation of souls.

Patrick Archbold said...

Anon,
This piece is intended to lampoon the media coverage of the Pope and the Church.

Catholics need to keep their sense of humor too, yes?

Anonymous said...

The person who wrote this article is a complete moron and knows nothing about what they are writing about;

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chris said...

I understand this was meant to be humorous, but last night I watched the DVD of a workshop on Active, Conscious and Full participation in the Liturgy given by my parish priest. During the 40 minute presentation he stopped three times to tell the audience and that includes those of us watching the video, to beware, "there are forces trying to take your rights (as pertain to the liturgy)away from you. They are trying to make you subjects again rather than the royal priesthood that you are." That was the first warning, twice more he reiterated the warning. For that reason, I don't think satire like this, while it may be funny, is appropriate at this time.

I find it hard to believe that the 'war' between the older generation of priests and the young 'pre-Vatican II priests'as they like to call them, is any less strident than it is here in the Diocese of Bridgeport, CT. We have people teaching RCIA who treat our diocesan seminary as a foreign agent..."they have an agenda...".

I don't know about that...some of them hold the host very high and for quite a long time, does that constitute taking our rights from us? I don't know. Why do priests and DREs etc who know perfectly well what ad orientum means tell us, 'the priest turns his back on us'? Did they always? I don't know, but I just finished Chadwick's history of the Early Church and I was amazed and uplifted by the fact that so many of the prayers and words we say at Mass today, were the very ones being said as early as the 2nd century.

Would I like to see more chant and Palestrina, absolutely. I have been to a high sung Nuovo Ordus Mass and it was beautiful and uplifting. Do I think that allowing those who love the old Mass to enjoy it once in a while or even every Sunday for that matter, is a plot, please!

We have so many rites in the Church, if we shouldn't have the Tridentine Mass why have the Byzantine Liturgy?

While I think I understand the young priests, I don't think they are bucking to keep the laity silent and I resent the fact that the older priests don't talk to them but disparage them.

Patrick Archbold said...

Chris,
Respectfully, it is for exactly the reasons you state that I think make humor important.

First, this is a parody of the media and the wacky and biased coverage that they give to issues such as this. The absurdity of how they cover this needs to be pointed out. Doing it in a humorous way can be effective too.

Secondly, we must remember that the Holy Spirit is in charge and we should remain joyful always. Let's not take things so seriously that we cannot have a laugh here and there.

Anonymous said...

I'm a traditional Catholic, and I thought it was funny!

Anonymous said...

I think the French Cardinal's quote was authentic...

=P

Anonymous said...

There is nothing more sickening than someone who hasn't a clue as to what is humor trying to be funny while in the process of insulting that which is most holy: the traditional Latin Mass, a Mass that dates back in all essentials to the time of Pope Gregory the great in the 6th century and beyond, the Mass of the saints and martyrs. Crawl back under your rock.

Patrick Archbold said...

Thanks,
Just for that you are not coming to my birthday party (under my rock, of course)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Like muhamed (pbuh) peace be upon him, I think you should start the new trend.

Benedict 16th (fhy)

Anonymous said...

Never seen such imbecilic journalistic garbage. I can feel your knees shaking...don't look now but here we come, here we come

Patrick Archbold said...

UGH!
I guess I should take it as a compliment. My satire is so good, you think it was real.

Anonymous said...

" . . . No one ever expects the Inquisition!"

Anonymous said...

In case you didn't know, the pope IS the HEAD of the church and DOESN'T need to listen to the Bishops, especially when many of them have lost the true faith. Kudos to the Holy Father for standing up for what is right. Jesus Christ didn't go around worrying what everyone else thought. I think people have forgotten that part of Christianity - the part that says "take up your CROSS and follow Me." If you want a picnic and your happy clappy celebrations, then you can join a Protestant church. There are plenty to choose from.

Anonymous said...

Patrick Archbold, God bless you! I definitely needed the laugh.

Chris said...

Patrick,

I fully understand the humor of it. Sarcasm runs rampant in my household so I appreciate its merit but I also know it can cut like a knife when emotions run high. And based upon the comments here and the perceived 'threat' that my priest warns about, I wondered whether it was a particularly appropriate choice of humor for this subject.

I grew up on the Latin Mass and I loved it even though I didn't understand a word! I knew something great was taking place (head bowing, kneeling, genuflecting)...but I always went to a high Mass. The low Mass is as mundane as the Nuovo Ordus with Haugen and Haas!

Put the tabernacle back front and center, add smells, bells, chant and Palestrina and the Mass celebrated by the Fathers, so very close to what we have today is solemn, reverent and engaging.

The difference is that in those days, when the priest said to give thanks to the Lord our God, all eyes looked up and all voices sang out, "It is right to give Him thanks and praise." Yeah, and no 75 year old DRE was behind you saying, 'It is right to give GOD, thanks and praise.'

Patrick Archbold said...

Anonymous said...

" . . . No one ever expects the Inquisition!"

I love that skit!

Patrick Archbold said...

Chris,
Thank you for your thoughtful opinion and I agree with most of what you say! However, this post is intended to lampoon the ridiculous media coverage of the Latin Mass, the MP, and the Pope.

There is no reason is should cut like a knife to any lovers of the TLM. Only the media.

I, personally, cannot wait until a TLM is available closer to my home.

Eufemia Budicin said...

Italy's main newspaper "Corriere della sera" has today an article by his foremost catholic expert -prof. Alberto Melloni. He says that the Motu proprio is against bishops, because the power of bishops is better than the power of the God's people, not to say the pope's. The latter is also guilty of saying in his apartment mass facing the altar. I thought that conciliarists loved God's people power. They were just afraid of losing their own power.

Anonymous said...

This Trad Cath found your parody hysterical. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

It's obvious that there is a sarcastic if not malicious tone about the attitude regarding this report.I left the Novus Ordo regime 21 years ago when I was refused receiving the Host on my tongue...the priest felt that political correctness in making me receive in my hands was more important than the "value" of the Host...he let the Host drop so that I had to "catch" It with my hands...I had never touched the Blessed Sacarment before...I did "catch It" and vowed never to return to this apostate regime that has implanted itself as the substitute church. As a supporter of the SSPX and the Tridentine Mass since 1986, this Motu Propio is a welcome turn of events in the course of my keeping the "True Faith". The only scenario in the church under attack is the True Mass...The Devil does not waste his time on counterfits!!!

Publius said...

The Inquisition, let's begin!
The Inquisition, look out sin!
we've got a mission...

Mary said...

HAHAHAHA!

Patrick, I can't believe how many people thought you were serious...

Anon 10:41 PM, I'm so sorry. Talk about rocks and hard places.

Patrick Archbold said...

Mary,
I must say I was rather surprised myself. Even after I put the note that this was parody, many people still thought I was serious.

I guess they stopped reading before they got to the anti-dwarfic part.

I am actually a little more disappointed that no one seemed to figure out that the Cardinal's name translates as "surrender monkey"

That was my favorite part!

Anonymous said...

I have been attending the Latin Mass for most of my life (until I was 9 we went to the Byzantine Rite). While my husband seemed to think that it was "inappropriate", I thought it was immensely funny. Sometimes, the way things happen in life, you know that God has a sense of humor. He didn't mean for us to be sad all the time...I think Catholics are supposed to be happy and find as much (appropriate) humor in life as possible. I just find it sad that so many people thought you were serious. Are things really so bad that a post like this could be taken seriously?

Patrick Archbold said...

Anon,
Thanks. I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, well, except if you work for the media.

Cynthy said...

As a traditionalist I had to chuckle at the description of the goings on depicted during the Mass. Even a cursory look at the Tridentine Mass would show that the prayers said are available for all to read along with the priest and that the Tridentine Mass was created so that the people could respond aloud. It's that Mass that gave strength and consolation to millions of Catholics, including the Saints, for centuries.

Anonymous said...

...and don't forget "racist" because it's not in the venacular.

Aunty Belle said...

side-splitin' funny. Cain't wait fer the Inquisition, an auto da fe...let's roll!

Janny said...

WONDERFUL!

After having left a detailed rebuttal yesterday on AOL's (un) coverage of the Pope's actions, libeled--er, I mean LABELED (sorry)--"Pope Changes Church Rule"--this is uncannily close to the tone of most of the news coverage out there.

As far as whether this was a good time to "make fun" of the situation...OF COURSE it is. Being aware that satire is among the richest ways to draw legitimate attention on legitimate issues, how can it not be the right time?

By point of fact, the only complaint I have about more traditional Catholicism is that, in its perception of constant attack, it has completely lost its sense of humor. But Satan loves that part. He LOVES when we get defensive, paranoid, and see enemies under every bush; when we get so snobby that only liturgical Latin will do for our Masses, only chant will do for our music, and only receiving on the tongue will do for our Eucharist. When we start splitting these kinds of hairs, Satan's clapping his hands together in glee, because he's managed to do THROUGH us what, if he tried by direct means, he couldn't do TO us...he's made us into Catholic Pharisees.

Long live Pope Benedict! Long live Catholics with a sense of humor! And as for the rest of you who don't get "parody"...better start checking those bushes again. You just never know.

Janny

Patrick Archbold said...

Janny,
Thank you so much. Actually, when you wrote "in its perception of constant attack, it has completely lost its sense of humor. But Satan loves that part. He LOVES when we get defensive, paranoid, and see enemies under every bush"

This is the reason we created this blog. We felt there was definitely room for some levity.

Thanks so much for your comment.

Vivi Gray said...

Funny - I was just about that today:
"The tragedy of what we do to ourselves when we choose to fixate on the faults of others is seen in Jesus' cure of the man with the withered hand: On another Sabbath he came to teach in a synagogue where there was a man whose right hand was withered. The scribes and the Pharisees were on the watch to see if he would perform a cure on the Sabbath so that they could find charge against him. Luke 6:6-7.) quoted from "The Love that Keeps Us Sane" by Marc Foley. Awesome book.
and, Archibald, I wasn't even sure if what I was reading was seriuos or not until I lauged outright, then I thought "I this guy IS serious, it would be so ridiculously funny on not just one, but TWO levels!" :)

Vivi Gray said...

oh, and excuse me, I can't spell!!!

Simon-Peter Vickers-Buckley said...

It seems clear that at least 50% of those commenting are sans frontal lobe.

How did you folks get out of kindergatren?

I am not sure which is funnier, the post, or the idiots who think you are pefectly serious.

They'd probably read Swift's "A modest proposal" and think that serious too.

Unless, of course, they are engaging in a touch of satire themselves...

...but I doubt it.

Colleen said...

I have to admit, when I first happened upon your blog and started reading I rolled my eyes because, for a split second, I thought you were serious. But it took me...oh, about two sentences before I realized it was a satirical piece. I thought it was hilarious, and I'm a Trad.
Thanks for the laugh!

Patrick Archbold said...

Thanks Colleen
I think many commenters never got past the first two sentences before commenting. Thanks for sticking with it.

Anonymous said...

This completely cracked me up when I read it - just before SP was published. However, I thought you exagerated a bit. But having seen the reactions of the press in recent days, I see you nailed absolutely every point. Although it almost seems impossible, some of the real articles are even worse. You sure called it.

David said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Patrick Archbold said...

David,
I have deleted your comment because of your foul language. However, please be advised that you are not paying attention. This blog is very much in favor of the motu proprio and this 'satire' was lampooning the pathetic media coverage. Thanks for reacting before thinking and spewing foul language. Very Christian.

David said...

Patrick,

I scincerely apologise for the language.

I appreciate satire; I just didn't find this particularly funny; no accounting for tastes, I suppose.

In any event, I repeat my apologies, and promise it won't happen again; we Aussies can be famous for language that would make a sailor blush!

Anonimous said...

Excellent website. Good work. Very useful. I will bookmark!

Anonymous said...

It is unfortunate that the intellect of some cannot grasp the parody and satire in what you've written. Even more unfortunate is the fact that certain individuals would go so far as to rudely insult you and bash your talent through anonymous comments. We can take heart, however, in the fact that these cowardly curmudgeons have only succeeded in appearing foolish and grouchy.

Patrick, your humorous tone is much appreciated and the strong reproof beneath even moreso. You've written a very good piece here. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it's not comfortably different from the stories some of the more-read news publications actually ran after the release of the Motu Proprio.

Still, while certain things are looking up, it's still depressing to see how many vehemently oppose the Tridentine Mass. This is why we need humor like yours every now and then to lighten things up a bit. Keep up the good work!

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人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡
人妻デリヘル福岡

Anonymous said...

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福岡デリヘル求人
福岡デリヘル求人

Anonymous said...

デリヘル/福岡
福岡デリヘル
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