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Jesus is the New Cigarette

Jesus was thrown out of a Florida hospital today when a chaplain was fired from his position for including the word 'Jesus' at the end of his prayers, according to FoxNews.

The hospital was worried about "Secondhand Jesus" meaning that those who didn't intend to have Jesus had Jesus forced upon them by a third party. Reverend Danny Harvey, who worked for the Leesburg Regional Center for more than seven years, claims to be the victim of religious discrimination after he says the hospital staff forced him to resign from his post because he mentioned...you know who.

Louis H. Bremer Jr., LRMC president and chief executive officer, denied that the pastor was fired for mentioning Jesus. He said in a statement:

"The interpretation many Christians are getting is that prayer is completely banned from the hospital, which couldn't be further from the truth."

"It would be very appropriate to say Jesus' name in the presence of a Christian family. That's no problem," Bremer said in the statement. "What must be understood is knowing the audience and what is appropriate for that particular situation."
And I guess hospitals are not that particular situation.

Anyone mentioning Jesus in listening distance from someone who doesn't want to hear about Jesus will be punished severely.

Harvey insists that he didn't force Jesus on anyone. "I would approach a family and offer them the chance for me to pray for them, but they have the option to say no," Harvey said. "I have never imposed my beliefs on others."

Schools have completely banned "secondhand Jesus." The government is attempting to do it. Now hospitals. In the future all crosses will have to be taken down off the tops of churches for fear of "secondhand Jesus" offending passing drivers. What a country.

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8 comments:

Jeff Miller said...

Plus liberal studies have shown that just mentioning Jesus causes the establishment of a government Church as a side effect.

Great work!

Anonymous said...

I pray Harvey sees his problems, and corrects them. In your name, "Jesus".

Jane said...

What if the chaplain is praying in Spanish and says "Jesus"? Could he claim he was calling that doctor or orderly, or addressing that patient named Jesus just as he finished his prayer?

Father Tim said...

Excellent post revealing the dangers of evangelism!

Just like the Cigarette companies marketing cigarettes like "Camel Light" and "Marlboro Light," some churches claim that there's less risk of secondhand Jesus with their brand of "Jesus Lite".

Unitarians, for example, can say "Jesus" as much as they want, because anyone exposed will also be treated with healthy doses of secondhand Buddha and third-rate Dawkins.

Of course, at SOV2, we eliminate the risk of secondhand Jesus by leaving Jesus out of our prayers altogether. No one can be offended by "Spirit!"

matthew archbold said...

I think Dawkins is the third rate Dawkins.

MissJean said...

Maybe he stubbed his toe. My students say "Jesus" and "Oh, my God" far too often and, in other classes, they evidentally get away with it.

Anonymous said...

If I were a Jew or Muslim and a priest comes to me and offers a prayer to Jesus for my sick relative, I would be angry at the priest for not asking first. I don't think that the priest should have been fired, however the article leaves out the entire context of what exactly happened. I don't hear of Muslim or Jewish chaplains going out of their way to exhort their religious beliefs upon non-believers. I support the right to evangelism as long as the people being preached to, asked for it. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut.

matthew archbold said...

anonymous sounds like such a peaceful and prayerful person.

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