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Cancel Mother's Day! Now!

On May 9, 1914, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation, declaring the first national Mother's Day. Nearly one hundred years later a brave group of anti-mother activists are standing up against this discriminatory and likely unconstitutional day.

The group expects to file a lawsuit in federal court to prevent national recognition of mothers. Activists opposed to Mother's Day wished to make it clear that they are not anti-mother only anti-Mother's Day but when asked to explain the difference became unclear.

When asked why the country should no longer recognize Mother's Day one man said he never knew his mother and has no knowledge of her and he questioned why the federal government is effectively forcing him to honor his mother who he's not even sure exists.

In fact, the group argues that there are many reasons not to force Americans to honor mothers including doing it for the children. The activists argue that children in schools that have activities or spend time making gifts in art class for mothers are left feeling awkward if they don't have a mother. They also pointed to a small but growing number of Americans who aren't particularly fond of their mothers.

The group also said that this "day-long nationally enforced mother worship" has no precedence in our country's founding documents. "Nowhere are mothers even mentioned in our Founding documents" said one activist. "Why do we all have to pretend to love our mother by order of the federal government?"

Anti-Mother's Day activists are saying that if someone wants to praise and honor their mother they should do so privately and not force it down other people's throats.

Some are arguing that Mother's Day is an unconstitutional endorsement for one group of people (namely mothers) over other groups of people which is a violation of the equal protection clause. "Government has no business honoring some people and ignoring others," said one twenty something man who was recently told by his mother that he had to get out of the house and find a job.

"What about all the women who decide not to be mothers," said one activist. "Shouldn't they be praised as well. When do they get their day?" The group argued that forcing people to honor mothers is also a way of shaming those women who are not mothers. It's like the government is forcing women to be mothers if they want to be honored."

This is the second nationally recognized day to come under attack. Recently the National Day of Prayer was attacked for many of the same reasons.

No pro-Mother's day activists could be reached to comment in the story.

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18 comments:

Matt bettag said...

Don't give em any ideas. The absurd now passes for normalcy. Nonetheless, good ansology.

Anonymous said...

You joke now, but there surely must be people in favour of an "Anti-Mother's Day" to celebrate "choice" or whatever

King Goddard said...

Mothers did it to themselves. First gays, then illegal immigrants, now anti-mothers. Whats next anti-love because you broke up with some one and it hurts to think about love? Emotions are there fools deal with it.

Everyone has a mother. If you don't like yours find a good one and do something nice for them because I bet they need some help.

I am a man by the way. :D

Rick said...

The proponents of this anti-mothers day must have sprouted from the ground or had really nasty moms.

Anonymous said...

So, just because all women are not mothers we can't honor ANY mothers? That's ridiculous. I'm not an administrative professional, but I have no problem with people honoring their administrative staff on Administrative Professional's Day.

SherryTex said...

Avocates committed to ridding the world of Father's day could not be moved to stand in solidarity as they wait until the Saturday before the pending day honoring Pater Familius to raise awareness.

Andy said...

What they need is to move the apostrophe after the "s", to be sensitive to the growing number of us who have two mothers. Happy Mothers' Day! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I keep asking myself WHY the press gives any attention to such lunacy....

(Oh, I forgot...there isn't much REAL journalism any more.)

Anonymous said...

um, I'm pretty sure this is a satire...

matthew archbold said...

It is satire. But kinda' telling that the world is so crazy that no longer can normal people tell the difference between satire and reality.

John Hetman said...

I have been at Mother's Day masses where Father Progressiva or Father Liberalski have called for all those who "mother" someone to stand up and be recognized, finally leaving only the pews in sitting position.

Nzie (theRosyGardener) said...

It's Victory in Europe Day, too... which I appreciate since my birthday often coincides with Mothers' Day and is overshadowed since I'm not a mom... I've sent Mom and ecard and will try to catch the parade in Moscow. :)

Joe in Canada said...

no doubt the Leadership Conference of Women Religious is on top of it. Or behind it. Or visioning it or something. This is right up 'Nun for Choice' Sr Donna Quinn OP's alley (hey, did you know that the Sinsinawa Dominicans are still railing against heterosexism? http://www.sinsinawa.org/07_Peace_Justice/Women's_Network.htm)

RMT said...

I also want to protest some other National holidays:

President's Day--It's unfair to people from other countries who do not have our system of government including the president. (For instance, almost all Muslim countries have a despot in power--it would be unfair to force them to celebrate the American model of the presidency)

Veteran's Day--What makes them so worthy of admiration, most of the veterans fought wars of oppression against peace-loving, innocent Communists or Muslims
ditto for Memorial Day

Columbus Day--White, Spanish Catholic, oppressor and slaver: need I say more

I could go on, but the oppressive democratic republic that we had until recently forced all Americans to celebrate these holidays and they are too ingrained in the collective American consciousness to get enough support to end these barbaric practices we call holidays.

Anonymous said...

It sounded like a valid news report from the insane country we live in, until I read the comments of your sane readers and recognized the parody.

Anonymous said...

That, and the label "humor" for searches. I'm just sayin'.

PattyinCT said...

Whew! I'm so glad this was written by radicals that hate their Moms. I was worried for a minute it was written by some frazzled husband/father who couldn't find a grocer open with fresh flowers on Sunday morning when he realized that it was mother's day as he's driving around and had to buy that artifical carnation from the gas station held by the tiny teddy bear that skeezes me out...
Oh and btw Moms: Happy Mother's Day!
Enjoy that carnation (just don't inhale too deeply...Fumes and all...) hahahahah!

Chris said...

People who aren't mothers don't have to become mothers if they don't want to, but what about the mothers who had children? Child birth is painful, and big deal if you don't have a mother, you have grandmothers and Godmothers. I never met my father but I still celebrate fathers day.

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