For the last time, there is zero difference between God's mercy and His Law!!! Anybody who says different is selling timeshares in Hell. Anybody. -- Me

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How to Celebrate Atheist Pride Week

Former atheist Jen Fulwiler has essentially dared us to come up with activities for atheists to do during Atheist Pride Week. She wrote, "I’ll leave it to the Archbolds to come up with some witty suggestions for how one might celebrate A Week."

As you know, CMR does not back down from challenges so...(pause for drama)... Here's CMR's official Top Ten List of Activities for Atheists During Atheist Pride Week.

1) Invite your atheist friends over, rent the entire Ricky Gervais' movie catalogue from Netflix, and discuss why someone so brilliant and atheisty can't make a good movie. (Makes for a nice early night!)

2) Come up with excuses why it's irrelevant that atheist utopias always end up with lots of dead people.

3) Figure out how to convince doctor you have glaucoma so you can get medical marijuana.

4) Attend nihilist convention in an ill lit ballroom and stare into the nothingness while listening to REM's "Everybody Hurts" and inhaling your glaucoma medicine.

5) Do nothing. Nothing matters anyway.

6) Talk with other atheists about how brave you are to be atheists.

7) Troll Catholic blogs all day (just like you do every day) leaving nasty comments and sign off feeling superior while inhaling your glaucoma medicine.

8) Go to Whole Foods for a nice organic feast to celebrate atheism called A-Whole.

9) Attend conference at Berkeley entitled, "Misunderstood Mao."

10) Declare war on Libya.

11) Tell my mother she's like totally dumb or something for believing in God and then slam the door on the way back to my room in the basement. (What? It's got a separate entrance.)

If you'd like to add your own activities, please feel free in the combox.

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32 comments:

Anonymous said...

When the hound of Heaven scratches at the door, kick him (Him?) and call Animal Control.

Baron Korf said...

Hah!

Jennifer said...

2,5,6 & 9 are my favorites - this blog makes me smile!

Naomi said...

Post stories about religious people who embarrass their coreligionists (and indeed all decent people). Mention how typical their behavior is of all religious people.

The Dutchman said...

Hey, another cheap shot at REM's "Everybody Hurts!"

Y'know what? You probably DO have friends dead of AIDS, or living with AIDS, they just don't tell you because they know you would turn your back on them if you found out.

priest's wife said...

Dutchman- come one- everybody loves Everybody Hurts... :)

to celebrate 'A Week'- file a lawsuit against the USA for printing In God We Trust on currency everyone is forced to use

Mark D said...

I'd suggest, "Call your earthly father and forgive him for the ways he hurt you" but then they wouldn't need another A week next year.

Jennifer @ Conversion Diary said...

This post is everything I dreamed it could be.

j. christian said...

Go to the chiropractor, to counter the effects of a lifetime of patting yourself on the back.

Maggie said...

File a law suit against a 5 year old girl with pigtails who while in art class at school draws a picture of Jesus. And sue the school. And petition to have the art teacher fired. And make sure the parents go through some class that teaches "tolerance."

Gerry said...

(1) (This has actually happened before unfortunately. Don't *know* about being an Atheist perp., but there were bumper stickers as described.) Buy dozens of Coexist, Tolerance, Respect, and Fiction bumper stickers. Put them on your fellow Atheists car and your own. Then you and your fellows scare some 40-Days-of-Lifers while pulling into Pl. Par.

(2) Write very nasty things
(randomly even) about former-best-Atheist Dawkins at your fellow Atheists' Facebook pages, your own page, and everywhere you comment all week. Freedom is as freedom does.

Patrick Archbold said...

Dutchman

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

What does that song have to do with AIDS?

Did I miss a memo?

Full Spectrum Mom said...

Thank you.

Needed it-especially since the national convention is being held right here in America's Heartland (Iowa). Downtown. In front of the Cathedral.

I am especially fond of numbers 7 and 8.

jawats said...

You've forgotten: "Making Recipes from the John Paul Sartre Cookbook"

"October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:

Tuna Casserole.

Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish.
Directions: Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.

While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustrated."

http://madelyn.utahgoth.net/links/jeanpaulsatrecookbook.html

Mike said...

Criticize religious believers for not solving the problems that you're not solving.

Chris said...

To play off a few of your own.....

Berate religion as the opiate of the masses. Consume mass amounts of opiates.

Kara H. said...

I love you guys. I laughed. Thanks.

Mary De Voe said...

by celebrating all unalienable rights endowed by our Creator of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Anonymous said...

Sit around and berate each and every religion for believing in God. Wait a minute berate every religion except Judaism because the last thing they want to be accused of is anti-semitism. Might as well skip right over Islam as well because they would be afraid somebody might kill them. Throw all the eastern religions in the "do not discuss" pile as well because they don't want to be called racist.

So basically, sit around and berate Christianity, especially Catholicism. They're mostly white folks and it's ok to poke fun at them and Christians are not likely to behead anybody anyway so it's a pretty safe b!tch session.

Brian said...

Having faith that inanimate things created animate things while ridiculing others who believe in the Creator.

Brian said...

Believe that you were made in the image and likeness of apes.

KG Jesterton said...

Have a contest to name the creature that man will some day evolve into.

Brainstorm ways to help evolution be more environmentally friendly.

Visit a corporate art museum.

The glaucoma is getting worse. Start a petition to legalize crack for medical purposes.

jane said...

Criticize the Catholic church while benefiting from all that it has introduced to the world such as universities, hospitals, modern law, modern science, and the dignity of the human person.

John said...

Be intellectually dishonest RE almost anything of science, chastise Christians for daring to believe in something besides human reason, and incessantly praise the virtues of our modern, progressive world.

Oh, wait, that won't work, will it?
That stuff already happens on a daily basis on the average college campus.....

My bad.

Josemaria Lazaro Paulo Jeronimo Martin Carvalho-von verster said...

Disrupt Religous Services,While Holding A Placard that Says:"Padre Damaso!"

Timothy said...

Think of things you don't like and add an "A" to the beginning. For example, I am "aketchup".

Mary De Voe said...

Theists get God. Atheists get our tax dollars to fund their activities. All legal fees for every civil lawsuit against theists, religion and God is paid for by taxes. Separation of church and state be damned, freedom FROM religion pays."IN GOD WE TRUST". Atheists have repudiated their own unalienable civil rights endowed by OUR CREATOR and are using our citizenship against us to further atheism to tyranize maan. Take away the tax dollars and see how many atheists show up at the symposium.

Tony said...

Sit down and calculate to the 1000th decimal place the probably of the universe arranging itself out of chaos completely by accident.

Mary De Voe said...

BY DEFUNDING THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION, having repudiated our founding principles the ACLU has rewritten our Declaration of Independence, having imposed tyranny of freedom FROM religion and refusing to recognize the ordinary citizen, the ACLU has refused it own citizenship and has NO legal standing in a court of law, nor does the ACLU have any claim to our money.

Mary De Voe said...

Furthermore,The American Civil Liberties Union, in its quest for complete domination of every freedom endowed by OUR CREATOR, every freedom, having been endorsed by the lives and deaths of every patriot, has destroyed it affiliation with American Citizenship. The American Civil Liberties Union whose intent is to remove every freedom from a sovereign citizen, whose sovereignty constitutes America, freedom in worshipping our Creator, in acknowledging the Person of God and the unalienable rights and the freedoms endowed by OUR CREATOR, in freedom of religion, speech, press and peaceable assembly about the Person of God, cannot be entitled to a single penny of our money for any reason. The American Civil Liberties Union has exiled itself to the gulag of imposed tyranny by itself and now must endure that exile as non-citizens. American money cannot be used against the free citizen. Freedom from religion is part of freedom from life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness, and for the American Civil Liberties Union, freedom from citizenship and the participation in American life. Having repudiated America’s founding principles, the American Civil Liberties Union has repudiated its citizenship and forfeit its legal standing in a court of law.

Anonymous said...

CMR's official Top Ten List of Activities for Atheists During Atheist Pride Week shows 11 activities. Personally I have done number 5 - nothing (related to atheism), not because nothing matters but because I have been busy living

Anonymous said...

Haha I'm an atheist and this still made me laugh. We're not all condescending pricks though, live and let live! :)

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