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My Mom's Gonna' Kill Me

Picture's worth a thousand words so I'm not gonna' say anything.


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32 comments:

Melissa said...

parents need to be constantly having the conversation with their kids that there is NOTHING they can do that will make us stop loving them and nothing that can't be work through...NOTHING!

Anonymous said...

This, and the Crescat piece, are not being completely honest.

If you read the comboxes at The Crescat, you'll see that only too often parents, especially Catholic/Christian parents, abandon their daughters when they become pregnant out of wedlock.

In my case, my parents disowned me after I refused to give my oldest child up for adoption. They even went as far as conspiring with the local Catholic Charities to coerce me into adopting against my will -- the Catholic Charities worker even brought the prospective parents to the hospital to "guilt" me into signing papers.

When I refused, I found myself alone and without resources with a newborn infant. Thanks to the social worker who came to see me in the hospital, I was able to find work, care for my child, and a place to stay until I could finish my degree.

I subsequently married a great guy who adopted my daughter, and we went on to have four more children, and are now blessed with grandchildren.

Please, however, stop telling girls that their parents will be just fine with this, or that adoption is an easy choice. Both are lies, meant to coerce vulnerable young women.

Statistics show that women who've given their children up for adoption suffer many of the negative side effects of women who've aborted and women who've lost a child due to miscarriage or illness. Losing a child is losing a child.

The goal -- the first priority, the number one go-to solution -- should ALWAYS be to see that these young women are supported and encouraged to be mothers -- not to be poster children for the pro-life women, not to be suppliers for the adoption industry. Motherhood is a precious, precious thing and should be the preferred outcome in these situations.

If you visit some of the adoption boards, or google the after effects of adoption, you'll find thousands of broken women, just as broken as the women who've suffered from abortion, or suffered from the tragic loss of a child. Please be honest. Please stop pretending adoption is the Hallmark happy ending, or that Catholic mommies and daddies will just love your new baby and embrace you.

The reality is very different. And the reality about that and the adoption industry is often what drives young women to the abortion clinics.

At the end of the day, feeling shoved into a corner, being victimized, is the same regardless if it's parents doing the victimizing, adoption agencies, or abortion clinics. Pregnant women are mothers. Just because they're poor, scared, young, and unmarried doesn't justify the automatic adoption knee-jerk reaction.

stickervoice said...

The poster above also shows that the mother and child are already coexisting. See here to see what I mean.

Anonymous said...

It is wrong to make the parents the bad guys when a girl becomes pregnant. If she is raped, HE is the bad guy. If her sexual activity is consensual HE and SHE are the bad guys when they are engaging in selfish non marital consensual sex. The consequences are THEIR responsibility.

Anonymous said...

how true this is. Catholics/Christians are criminals, heartless ppl imposing moral values that are out of date on the rest of us. It is poor girls like me and the one who wrote the article, who always tell the truth. How dare they tell us that life is sacred, only to abando us after the birht? what is next? that twinkies are not good for our health?

Warren Anderson said...

Sadly, we live in an age when children, being children acting like adults behaving like children, are barely receptive to any kind of guidance. I see a lot of college kids on a daily basis and the ubiquitous sense of entitlement and obstinate misbehaviour flowing from that "me-first" attitude confirms that they, in most if not all cases, have been raised with no values whatsoever. The parents, and society, are reaping merely what they have failed to sow. Weeds have grown up in the hearts and minds of their children.

In those exceptional cases where children coming from solid families have ignored the good counsel of loving parents and have instead adopted the mores of the times, it is truly sad to see those children causing their parents so much suffering. Those children, who for whatever reason ignored their parents' guidance, should stop making excuses and stop following their own stupid inclinations which got them into trouble in the first place. A little honesty, indeed.

Mary De Voe said...

@Anonymous said...
"The consequences are THEIR responsibility."
January 10, 2012 12:28 PM The human being existing in the womb with God's name "I AM" is a child of God, a creature of the human species, a person of our constitutitonal posterity and a member of the family of man, a grandchild of both parents' parents and because of the child's existence is heir to human rights. If the child is conceived of lust or ignorance or crime, the innocent unborn infant is a victim. Doing injustice, victim bashing or aborting cannot bring peace. While adoption offers the victim a chance for life and destiny, the mother, both parents, may be consoled and look forward to knowing that their offspring exists and is alive.

Anonymous said...

More powerful pro-life images here:
www.freeprolifeimages.net

Pablo the Mexican said...

"This does not change my love for you.

What is most important is the fact that you have sinned before God and need to beg His forgiveness for having offended Him."

That is what I told my daughter when she became pregnant out of wed lock.

Only God can establish guilt and punish it.

We must not accept any sin, and rebuke it harshly; we must admonish the sinner and encourage them to repentance.

To claim Catholics are mean spirited criminals is not fair.

There have been many that did not handle these situations with Charity.

God blasted Sodom and Gomorrah to Hell not just because they were homosexual perverts, but mainly because they no longer resisted sin.

Pray for the repentance and conversion of sinners, and you will also be praying for yourself.

May God our Lord in His infinite and supreme goodness be pleased to give us His abundant grace, that we may know His most holy will, and entirely fulfill it.

Que Dios nos agarre confessados.

*

GreenWasabe said...

At the opportune time, we will be asked, "how well have you loved?" and not, "how well did you protect your reputation?"
The sin will be forgiven.
The "problem" will be solved.
The child belongs to the mother.
Time heals all and God's plans will not be thwarted.

Melissa said...

anon@ 12:08pm. look for an After the Gift retreat for those you might know who struggle with this grief. You are correct in saying that a child lost is a child lost and the grief is the same.My Diocese (wichita, ks) sponsors this retreat and it has been very successful.
Thank you for sharing your story and God Bless.

Anonymous said...

I DID talk with my daughter about babies. Other women around her talked to her about babies. But my teenage daughter got pregnant anyways - 'it can't happen to me'. Yes, she thought 'my mom is going to kill me', but honestly, all I thought about was how scared I was.
When my daughter told me she was pregnant, my jaw dropped, my ears started to buzz, but I didn't hate my daughter, I kissed her and told her I loved her and we would handle this.
Yes, after the initial shock I went thru the anger and the embarrassment, but she was still my daughter and I still loved her.
I now have a wonderful grandson, and I still have my daughter. The childs father has been around since the very beginning. Maybe I could have run him off, but I think kids need their dad. My husbands father abandoned him at an early age and it haunted my husband his entire life.
I cannot understand disowning your child when she needs you the most.
Joseph did not abandon Mary.
Elizabeth did not disown her cousin Mary.
Mary did not shun Jesus when he was arrested.

Anonymous said...

I had a Mom who didn't know how to love her kids, period. No, I never got pregnant. But I knew I had a mom that wanted money more than me.
I figured this out when I was about 3 or 4 or so. I knew I was really on my own.

I knew I had pretend-a-parents who didn't care. I entered a convent at age 17, and stayed for 15 years. When I made my first Vows, my parents were on vacation and couldn't be bothered to be with me. (My grandparents did come.)

I think people have to know that there are parents out there who really didn't want their kids, period.

Oh--when my Mom died, she specifically disowned me in writing. gh

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous who is referencing the Crescat piece,

Since you did not have an adoption experience, perhaps you should refrain from telling everyone else what it is like to live with that decision. I am sorry that anyone tried to force you into a decision that you knew was not for you; this is never acceptable.

Your writing goes on and may convey to others that since adoptive mothers suffer as others mothers who have experienced "loss," the choices are one among many. I AM an birth mother. I can assure you it is no Hallmark ending, but at the end of the day, MY child is alive. In my darkest moments of living with my decision, it is hard but I still know it to be the right decision. The hardest part most days is NOT that I am away from my child (and he is not "lost"); it is that I live in a culture that says what I did was not important, it was just another "choice" among many. Feminists would have you believe that abortion and adoption are the same morally equivalent 'choice.' Lies! I'm not holding my breath waiting to be handed a medal for my decision, but my child was not KILLED.

:) :) :) said...

This is going on my tumblr immediately. I find it quite powerful

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous of 3:59

I am the original Anonymous you are referring to. I help support young women who wish to keep their babies but are being pressured from all sides to do otherwise -- by their parents, their boyfriends, by their churches, and by adoption agencies. I have spoken with young women who gave their babies up under duress and I have researched the existing data regarding women who've given up children for adoption. I'm not speaking from a place of ignorance. I know the kind of pressure many young women are under and how easy it is to succumb, and I want to make sure that as many young women as I can possibly help never feel cornered into making a choice they will regret.

The abortion industry and the adoption industry are both guilty of preying on vulnerable young women. The abortion industry wants their money and to further their agenda. The adoption industry wants their babies and to further theirs.

Yes, some women freely make the choice to give their babies up for adoption, but many more do so because they feel they have no choice.

Adoption is a big business. With more and more women waiting until they're past peak fertility to begin families, an American, white baby is a big commodity these days and adoption agencies can be just as coercive as abortion clinics when it comes to acting out of self-interest.

The pro-life community is often guilty of reducing a pregnant women to a zero in their efforts to prevent abortion. All a vulnerable young woman hears is "the baby, the baby, the baby, and we'll take it, you can give it to us...".

She disappears. She's clearly nothing to them. It's "the baby" they want, not her. The pro-lifers go on about the baby, the child, the dignity of the unborn, but where's their talk of motherhood, the mother and child bond, or of the mother herself?

You chose freely to give up your baby, but other women didn't. Until you've walked in their shoes, or spoken with them at length, you're not necessarily their voice, either.

InfiniteGrace said...

This pictures speaks volumes for me. It could be the poster for my life. www.postabortionwalk.blogspot.com

Nicole C said...

Original "Anonymous" commenting on the Crescat piece: You compare the abortion industry to the adoption industry, a comparison I find truly revolting and disingenuous to begin with. But then you label the pro-life movement as only caring about the baby. Perhaps you're completely unfamiliar with the MANY pro-life, pro-WOMAN pregnancy centers across America. Perhaps you don't have one near you, which would be unfortunate. But the ones I work closely with (as are most) are NOT only pro-baby. They actually help the moms find jobs, housing, childcare, finish school, give free baby items, clothes, diapers, food, etc. You should do some research before you imply that the pro-life movement doesn't care about women. Nothing is further from the truth.

Donald R. McClarey said...

My maternal grandmother was precisely in the situation of the young lady in the picture. Pregnant with my Mom, and abandoned by the father, she turned to her mother. While her mother raised my Mom, my grandmother went out each day to work to support all three of them. Nanny Barry, as my Mom called her, was a saint according to my Mom, and my grandmother was one of the strongest women I have ever met. All three of them are long dead now, however, as a result of the courage of my grandmother and the love of my great-grandmother, six people are alive today. Not a bad legacy.

Anonymous said...

1984 - my sister gave up her only daughter. My sister was abandoned by her mother at 16 years of age, by her father at birth. In 2006 - that daughter publicly thanked my sister for saving her life... twice. For you see, she was born with genetic defects my sister never would have been able to care for or heal. We are sinful creatures... my sister forgave her parents and was blessed with love, joy & life and a daughter who loves her.

Whether we are "abandoned" or must give another our child for care we must ask for mercy and forgiveness - but ultimately we must never destroy life.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous January 10, 2012 3:59 PM,

No,you may not be handed a medal for your decision but I would like to say Thank you!
The choice you made was great.You choose life!You will never fully know how great this choice was on this side of heaven but you will know someday.
My husband was adopted and his heart is filled with love and gratitude for the women that gave him birth, every time he kisses his five sweet children goodnight.She is in his prayers often- wherever she may be.And he is constantly reminded of her great gift!
As for the world and the lies...Lord have Mercy.

Anonymous said...

I know my own experience with Catholic Charities, and I am familiar with the experiences of other young women who've beem pressured and manipulated by supposedly pro-life "pregnancy centers".

Does that make all pro-lifers or crisis pregnancy centers bad? No. But the adoption industry is not without it's dark side, either.

The vehement denial that there is corruption in the adoption industry is probably the surest sign that there is. Not that I don't know that already.

Sandy said...

My parents forced me to give up my child for adoption. They did not threaten to disown me. They told me it was the only option they would accept as a "responsible" choice on my part. I KNOW my daughter is better off having a father and a mother who live together in a good marriage. It doesn't help the hurt I have. This was 11 years ago. I still struggle with a question that my friend asked me: "When you feel hurt about giving up your daughter, are you putting her first or yourself first?" I want to say I am putting her first. Who could love her more than I could? But then I think-- maybe the most loving thing I could do for her was to be unselfish. If I wasn't able to give her a father and a mother, and somebody else was, did I give her the best gift of all? But what about being told that I HAD to do it? I hope someday I will be able to forgive my parents. Because it does seem like right now, my daughter has a more complete family. And my friends who are adopted get offended when I talk about my daughter's new parents as if they couldn't be as good as I could be.

Jack said...

The Bible says, "Children are a blessing from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward."

The circumstances of the conception of the child do NOT diminish this blessing in the least.

Christian parents: Show you mean business! Should your unmarried daughter conceive (or your unmarried son beget) a child, support them!

Micha Elyi said...

The picture illustrates the confusion females often have with hyperbole and reality.

Timothy said...

That girl in the poster could use a cheeseburger or ten.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure some women who offer their babies for adoption do suffer terribly. But the one I know personally is the biggest adoption advocate you'll ever want to meet (though she of course supports everyone keeping their babies too!), and I have read many testimonies where women found the adoption option to be positive. I am sure that being FORCED to give children up for adoption could be traumatic in the extreme, though. Anyway, I just have to say that I don't think having given your baby for adoption could POSSIBLY leave the same level of scars that abortion does, because those who give their babies up for adoption know that they at least gave life to the child. I say this regarding the claim in a comment above that those who give children for adoption are "just as broken" as those who have abortions. Abortion leaves incredible emotional trauma in women. But thanks be to God, Jesus can heal ANY wound. He forgives and heals, and His love never leaves or forsakes us.

Anonymous said...

Just as there are women who suffer after abortion or adoption, there are many more CHILDREN who suffer from being raised by individuals who do not have the emotional or physical resources and support in order to parent a child successfully. Not all single parents fall in this category, of course. But many do -- and hundreds of thousands of children are abused and neglected as a result. To guide a young woman to the realization that she is not prepared to parent a child is not the same as "forcing" her to relinquish. It is being a responsible parent.

Of course the choice is not an easy one, but parenting is full of difficult choices. For any woman who is debating whether she is prepared to parent, I'd recommend Patricia Dischler's "Because I Loved You." Be brave, and put your child's needs first. That's what good parents do.

Anonymous said...

This conversation is very intriguing to me...my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Her mother (who works at a crisis pregnancy center) initially tried to coerce her into adoption, despite the fact that she and my son had been together for years and wanted to marry any way (which they are doing.)

Her parents have called her a slut, told her she is going to hell, and have said I'm "soft on sin" because I support them and love them, even while reminding them to seek forgiveness for their sin (which they have done.) The baby is NOT the sin; the baby is pure blessing.

I now feel that sometimes crisis pregnancy centers are nothing more than "adoption mills" providing babies for "good" people from these "poor sinners." That's the attitude I've seen from so many of my fellow Catholics, and it really troubles me.

I DON'T condone premarital sex, contraception, etc. But I also don't condone treating people who have fallen in this area as if they should be left on their own to deal with the consequences without love and support.

Anonymous said...

Intersting comments from anonymous about the hurt of adoption. A side I have never considered. But any parent that would shun their child for ANY reason must not be a true parent. We are to love them unconditionally PERIOD. I was blessed to be adopted by wonderful loving people, I have no idea of my biological mother and now these posts make me wonder how great of love and/or difficulty she must have had to make the choice she did, especially in times that were so much less accepting.

Anonymous said...

I've had conversations with my mom on the subject and the crux of it is that while she (and dad) wouldn't have been happy with the situation, they would do all they can to support both of us. It would've been worse if I kept it from them in the first place.

Anonymous said...

I too am adopted. My biological mother didn't tell her mother until the day I was born. She was 19, not married, "alleged" father 23 and in the Army (have no idea who, no way to find out) so what could she do. I am positive if abortion were legal in 1962 I wouldn't be here typing this now. Bio mom won't have anything to do with me. Have had most difficult time getting medical information.

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