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The End Of Paternity

Picture. (In the not so distant future.)

I am a professional young man in his 20's. I just met this girl and she is quite attractive. We meet to have a few drinks. One thing leads to another and, well, you know. We talk a few times after that but it just doesn't seem to be working, so I don't call her back anymore.

A few weeks later she calls me at work and says we need to talk. "What for?"

"Just meet me."

I met her at Starbucks's after work and she looks like she might have been crying. After an awkward hug and a kiss, we sit down with our drinks and then blammo...

"I am pregnant."

I paused for a moment and then said, "Ok. Why tell me?"

"Well, its your baby and I thought you would want to know. After all, you are responsible."

"Whoa, hold on there. I am not responsible for anything. This was your choice."

"It takes two, or don't you remember?"

"Sorry, but this is only your healthcare issue."

"It's not a healthcare issue, it's a baby!"

"Oh no it's not. It's a healthcare issue and not my problem. You have access to government mandated and subsidized free birth control. There was no reason for this to happen. This is entirely up to you."

"You never asked me if I was on birth control. We got caught up and..."

"I am sorry you feel this way but it is not my problem. You are responsible for your own healthcare, not me. You get birth control for free, there is no impediment to you getting it. If you choose not to use it or use it incorrectly, I can't be held responsible for that. If you have a healthcare problem now, don't blame me, blame yourself."

"It's not a healthcare problem, it's not a disease, it's a baby!"

"Sorry, not according to the government. This is a preventable health condition, the cure for which you get for for free courtesy of my tax dollars. How can I possibly be held responsible for your negligence in the prevention of a freely preventable disease?"

"Stop saying that! You can't do this! I will sue for paternity!"

"Go ahead and try. Dozens of cases just like this have already been heard around the country in the last 2 years. In each and every case the court has found that given the government mandated and pervasive free access to birth control, men have a reasonable expectation that women are able to protect themselves from this disease. You can't punish me with a baby because of your negligence. You do remember that I am a lawyer, right?"

"You are a monster!"

"Listen. It has been real. Do me a favor, lose my number."

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Lynda said...

Conveys very well the inhumane, societal manipulation behind the State's mandate to insure the anti-life, anti-family acts of contraception, sterilisation or abortion.

Marc Evan Aupiais said...

Laughing. Sent it to a lawyer friend. Love this blog!

Anonymous said...

I love this! I can so see this slippery slope becoming reality. Of course some will argue that "see Birth Control is needed because of dirt bags like this". Reality is.....the whole thing started with sin (intercourse outside of marriage). If we could eliminate that particular sin, there is a higher chance that this "health care issue" or preventable "disease" issue just might no longer be the case.

Katie said...

BTW, I came across this facebook page and thought you guys would get a kick out of it. https://www.facebook.com/FirstGraceUCC

Laura K said...

The good that could come: women will realize this, premarital sex will decrease, marriage will increase, families will prosper, society will rejuvenate.

The bad that could come: population decline, abortion increase, alienation and distrust between the sexes, familial disintegration, societal collapse.

I pray for the former, but suspect that latter.

Mary De Voe said...

BISHOP SHEEN SAID: GOD MAKES US HUMAN. That thing was not human.

MichaelP71 said...

1st of all - I can't believe that women would have trust issues with men. I mean hah it's just sex. No emotional loss for us! What, do you women get attached after one time. Geez stop being such a girl...SHEESH!

2d - Personally, I wouldn't have any issue with women saying these are just a bunch of men getting what they want over women. Women were tricked so we as men can have free sex and no responsibilities. Guys it seems to me that we have helped in making women feel used. How is it that women are ALWAYS the one left holding the bag? This is where the Pro-Life movement can win and that is by showing men how to treat women and take responsibility. (Maybe it can be on off shoot somewhere :-)

3d - Why not make a law that immediately takes away 50% of a man's salary and requires at least 10 hours a week with the kids if he gets her pregnant if they are not wed. If the baby goes for adoption they both pay for orphanage costs until baby is adopted.

Maybe not realistic or may even cause other problems but just a thought.

CDP said...

This is one of the arguments I use when pro-choice friends say that men should stay out of the abortion debate altogether. If they have no say, then they should have no responsibility. This scenario doesn't seem at all unlikely to me.

My Chocolate Heart said...

Exactly. This is why the asinine HHS mandate only further makes pregnancy the sole "burden" of the woman and lets men use and discard women and the babies they make. Women cheering for this mandate are stupid.

Anonymous said...

contraceptives will have to come with:
non use of this product does not guarantee a relationship, orgasm, or paternity,
even if the man is stupid.

Blackrep said...

Well, women might wait until they've entered a formal, contractual relationship with a man before they have sex with him.

I know its a novel idea, but just hear me out. We could make it real special, with a fancy- schmancy dress and a party. People could even bring gifts. Open bar. For the pious types, we could even have a religious ceremony surrounding it, presided over by a priest and vows made before God. You know, all formal-like.

Anonymous said...

Far cry from the conversation I had with my hubby of 21 years, when I told him (before we were married) that I was preggers. I was iffy on marriage at the time, all of our parents divorced, blah, blah. He said to me, "if I'm good enough to have a baby with, then I'm good enough to marry, and if I'm not then I'm outta here." He claims it's the last argument that he's ever won. I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration.

Anonymous said...

I hope the coffee she ordered was decaf...

barny said...

ha, typical liberal conversation. Liberals are so sexist!

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