I am Judas. What I mean to say is that there is nary a difference between him and I. I have often read of his mistake and I thought I understood it. But I, like he, am disappointed in a God I do not understand. And my disappointment is my betrayal.
Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf, So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
I have been but a child in the guise of an adult. Wisdom and maturity elude me like a light in a fog. I am foolishly confident in my course without ever seeing where I am really headed.
In my youth I saw Frost's morning gold and I wished it for myself, my children, and my fellow man. I saw the magic of God's creation and His love and thought that I could help bring it to the world. I heard Jesus' Word, but like Judas I failed to understand it. I heard of love, faith, suffering, and perseverance and I saw the value in those things. But my impatience expected a different God. A God of quicker action, a God of activism, a God more like me.
I wished for a political God, a temporal Savior fashioned in my own image to fight the battles I wish Him to fight. Inevitably I now my find myself bereft, weeping for myself and my fellow man knowing the hardship to come.
In my youth and hubris I thought I could spare my fellow man the road to Calvary through prudent tax policy, originalist judges, and effective voter turnout programs. And in doing so I preached a gospel ancillary if not sometimes contrary to that of my Lord and Savior, a gospel of the here and now. For this I am truly sorry.
Continue Reading >>>>