Reasonable Pastoral Objections

From an anonymous pastor on his objections to the Motu Prorio.
  • This might mean scheduling an extra mass on Sunday. I would either have to get up really early or miss some football. Gotta have priorities.
  • An extra mass means I have to do that long walk from the rectory to the church one more time. Sometimes it is raining or cold. I could get sick. I might have to call the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. I have my rights.
  • It would be a shame to just throw away a musical tradition that is at least 30 years old!
  • Without the help of a dozen extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion, Communion might take like...over ten minutes or something. Are they kidding?
  • If I turn my back to the people, I won't be the center of attention. What is the point of that?
  • Have you seen the people who attend the Latin Mass? The men in shirts and slacks, the women in modest dresses and some even wear those doily thingys on their heads. Creepy. Who are they trying to impress? Shorts and flip-flops is good enough for me and God. The important thing is that they are there.
  • Besides, Latin is hard and I didn't really pay attention during those classes in seminary. It would be a lot of effort to learn it. I really don't have time as it would interfere with my Reiki classes.
*Note....I know many Pastors and priests work very is just a joke. Feel free to add your own.


  1. "I know many Pastors and priest work very is just a joke."

    Yeah, but not for everybody. I know a few priests who dismiss it too easily. On the other hand, here's what I overheard in Steubenville: "I'm already in charge of three parishes, and now I have to learn the Mass in Latin?"

    People should read this if they want to know what they're up against:

    Critical Mass: Life After "Te Deum"

  2. I have devised my own list of requirements needed to celebrate a new Latin Mass without permission from a bishop.

    First, the priest must pass all the Latin requirements needed to pass a doctoral programme in Latin, both Classical and Mediæval. The diocese will arrange that the oral exams for the two are on different days, since the pronunciations are so different between the two.

    Second, those who petition for this Mass must adhere to it. They must stick to it like glue. That means that they must all be fluent in Latin. An examination written by Bishop Trautman himself will be devised to test their ability. There is no need for Latin if all the Latin-speakers are bilingual, unless they speak a language for which there is no Mass in this Diocese, such as Tagalog or Wu. So those who can also speak English or another popular language may not be among the petitioners for the traditional Mass.

    Third, a coetus, a group, is what the local bishop says it is, since he is the moderator of the liturgy for the diocese. Our bishop says that a group, in the law of this diocese, consists of at least five hundred people.

    The group of petitioners must be "in the parish" ("in paroeciis", in the terms of Article 5). So they must send their petition from an address that is within the boundaries of the parish.

    Fourth, no Latin Mass can be approved if Roger Cardinal Mahony or Godfried Cardinal Daneels objects. Our bishop has appointed them as infallible watchdogs for this diocese, even though they live thousands of miles away.

    Fifth, this diocese is initiating a policy whereby any priest who is not a parish priest but tries to celebrate the 1962 Mass "even privately" (to quote our colleague from St. Augustine) will be deprived of any promotion. Such priests will never become parish priests as long as our bishop remains in office, and perhaps even later.

    Sixth, parish priests who start celebrating the 1962 Mass, "even privately" should submit application forms now outlining where they'd like to be transferred in the future. We are desperately looking for a new prison chaplain.

    As an addendum to this, retired priests may not celebrate the 1962 Mass in this diocese, "even privately". If they do, their pensions will disappear like magic.

    Seventh, no coetus, no group, has been continuously existing in this diocese unless it can prove that all its members have been attending Mass and going to confession there for at least thirty-five years.

    Eighth, it would be unfair to deprive those at the 1962 Mass of the rich musical fare offered by the glorious new Mass. Therefore, organs and Gregorian Chant are forbidden and banjo music is mandated.

    Ninth, we need the rich fare of the Word at the Table of the Lord from the New Mass; therefore, only the new lectionary can be used for the readings at 1962 Masses in Latin.

    Tenth, while everyone is free to attend the 1962 Mass if offered, it does not fulfil the obligation to assist at Mass on Sundays in this diocese.

    Eleventh, to ensure sexual equality and 'redress the balance' from the past, only women may serve Mass at 1962 Masses.

    Twelfth, a parishioner shall be appointed to take pictures of the Mass constantly during its celebration, using a flash bulb.

    Thirteenth, neither the celebrant nor anyone else may prevent kisses, hugs and wild applause during Mass.

    Fourteenth, the dress code is to be lax at 1962 Masses. However, faithful who assist must wear at least some clothes. The celebrant must vest in special vestments approved by Sister Susy of the diocesan liturgy commission; he may not use traditional vestments.

    Lastly, because the bishop is the moderator, the dictator, of the diocese, he reserves the right to cancel any and all 1962 Masses he discovers.

    The bishop extends his apostolic blessing to all those who are attached to the 1962 Mass and offers them love and peace, and his prayers.


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