Mass For Clunkers!

Are you tired of having that same old dinosaur? Have you been worried for years about the deleterious effect that those old clunkers have had on the environment and art in our worship? Have you been thinking about upgrading but were just not sure if now was the right time? Well think no more!

Thanks to an exciting new Vatican Program you can trade in your tired, old, progressive Priest, Liturgist, or Music Director for a brand new - certified orthodox - model.

The Vatican has begun a a new program officially called "Faith and Tradition Recovery Act" but otherwise known as "Mass for Clunkers." Under this program you can trade in your harmful old "Community Faith Director in the Catholic faith tradition" for a brand new Priest in the Order of Melchizedek! This exciting program also applies to progressive liturgists and music directors.

A brand new orthodox model comes with many benefits! First and foremost, a new model is guaranteed to save more souls! These antiquated and out of date models have wrecked our churches for too long! Save our environment and trade in your old progressive clunker now and as a bonus you will receive a 4500 days indulgence absolutely free!

So trade in you old clunker now! This is a limited time offer!


  1. Agreed. Hysterical. =) I'm passing this on!

  2. Thanks Amy & Jen - If only it were this simple! I would pay $4,500 if I could!

  3. Tooooooo funny!! I'm having a "Why didn't I think of that?" moment. Great job!

  4. "Protect the environment and art in Catholic worship"

    ROFL! That's gold Jerry, GOLD!

  5. I don't think this is "hysterical". I'm a devout Catholic who treasures traditional priests, but I don't feel a need to make fun of priests who were probably misled back in seminary and are a product of their times.

    It is shameful that you would use religious imagery, including a priest performing mass, to make people laugh at the expense of others. I sincerely hope that the image of the "hippie" priest is either photoshopped, or you know enough about him to tack on such a label. I knew a *very* devout, traditional and plain wonderful priest who drove a VW minibus, and looked very much like that photo.

    Yes, there are a lot of "clunkers" in the Church, but at least they *try* to bring people closer to God rather than treating others with derision. It takes all kinds to reach people.

    The word pharisee springs to mind.

  6. "The word pharisee springs to mind."
    No doubt....

    Just ugh. It was funny. Funny. I like funny. We just don't get enough funny these days. Thanks for the funny.

  7. The 60's brought in unexplored territory. The Church had to address the needs to the times by making worship relevant and addressing a host of socio-political issues. There were mistakes no doubt but there were also gains as the People of God was able to be a champion of justice and peace everywhere. She continued to facilate that encounter with the Risen Lord in spite of the folk Masses and serendipity sessions. (Just tell that priest to get a hair cut, trade in that clunker and keep off the grass - if applicable.)

  8. I don't think this is "hysterical".

    The humorless -- they will always be with you. How's the Brad Pitt Salvation Project going, Jennifer?

    I don't feel a need to make fun of priests who were probably misled back in seminary and are a product of their times.

    Maybe *you* don't feel it, but others do. Probably because the trope of "those poor, misled seminarians" doesn't ring true about a bunch of adults with the capacity for reason.

    It is shameful that you would use religious imagery

    Yeah, Patrick. Where's my profane imagery?

    I sincerely hope that the image of the "hippie" priest is either photoshopped, or you know enough about him to tack on such a label.

    Whoa... That's Matthew before he was laicized! If a guy can't poke fun at his former priest brother...

    I knew a *very* devout, traditional and plain wonderful priest who drove a VW minibus, and looked very much like that photo.

    Then you probably should call the Vatican City Salvage Yard and tell Luigi that there's been a terrible mistake! Don't strip the rims yet!

    It takes all kinds to reach people.

    It certainly does!

    The word pharisee springs to mind.

    So does the word burrito, but probably for different reasons.

    Reinhold Niebuhr said that humor is the prelude to faith, and laughter the beginning of prayer. Oddly, he didn't mention sanctimony and dour-faced sullenness.

  9. It's a good thing the indulgence is free. Council of Trent and all.

  10. Jennifer does not deserve to be made fun of. She's probably right about some of the things she said.

    Jennifer, where I have to strongly disagree with you is that a priest cannot be absolved of guilt for leading the faithful astray because the are a "Product of their times." When you a product of the seminary in the 70's, let's say, and you are confronted with the nonsense that took place in some seminaries then, you can either go along with it, or, when you are out and confronted with what is good and true, change. Too many priests have "gone with the flow," lost sight of what is supposed to be the center of our Catholic life, the Eucharist, and instead let their flocks see themselves or their priests as the center of our worship.

    Yesterday, with the feast of St. John Mary Vianney, began the Year of the Priest. we must pray for our current and future priests through the intercession of the Cure of Ars, who once said that the road to hell is paved with the skulls of priests. Pray and sacrifice especially for those priests with whom the Lord might not now be pleased (whomever they might be--and that is not for us to judge).

    Sometimes, humor is the best way to shock people out of their complacency and get them to think. I hope that someone looks at this parody and realizes that we need to pray for these men whom have dedicated themselves to the Lord. We need good strong priests and these men need our prayers and sacrifices in order to be good and strong.

  11. Jennifer does not deserve to be made fun of.

    Thankfully, no one did. Her remarks however...

  12. Is that a wedding band on Papa Benny's finger?

    Tsk, tsk!!!!


    Mercy and Blessings,

  13. Creative but I say a priest is a priest no matter what.

    I don't care if they bash the liberal hippie all-inclusive liturgists and music directors, DREs, catechism teachers, Youth Ministers, etc. etc. But not the priests. I don't care what they do*, they're all priests according to the order of Melchizedek. And they still have been given the power to give me Jesus physically here on earth. That deserves respect.

    I think a better gov't bill to mock would be the Carbon Cap Bill and start giving priests a limited amount of crap they can dish out from the pulpit.

    *I do care what priests do but if a priest is validly ordained he deserves respect. that's my point.

  14. Angelle
    I would agree with you if you weren't wrong.

  15. Jennifer,

    I think you have a few good points like using that particular image of a priest as a hippie priest. An outdated haircut does not make one unorthodox, and a priest who wears the collar is doing something right.

    But I strongly disagree with you about priests who are a product of their times. Truth is truth whether in season or out of season. My generation was raised by this misguided priests and liturgists in the 80's and early 90's. Because of their unfaithfulness I know far more people from my generation who grew up with the faith and have fallen away than still practice it.

    By and large, my generation was never taught the faith - just fluff and feelings. How many souls have been lost because people rejected the false teachings they were fed and left the church without ever knowing the true faith?

    I was a product of those times. Just a few years ago I believed every modern idea (pro-abortion, pro-homosexuality, pro-relativism, etc.) and thought I was ever so progressive for it. Somehow by the grace of God I was able to realize that I didn't know nearly as much as I thought I did and in that moment of humility my heart was opened to the truth. If I can change so can a priest who received bad formation in seminary.

    Just as I by my marital vows have no excuse for unfaithfulness to my wife, a priest by his vows has no excuse for heterodoxy and disobedience.

  16. But...aren't we ALL clunkers...?

  17. I appreciate the people who stuck up for me. Thank you. However, I couldn't care less if I am made fun of (it kind of proves my point).

    I did not mean to imply that so-called "hippie" priests are not responsible for their actions. I simply believe it is reprehensible to make fun of any priest, or any person for that matter. It is my experience that "hippie" priests AND traditional priests alike can both lead people dangerously astray. If a priest was taught incorrectly to begin with, he may have a longer journey to the truth than a priest who received a great education. Who are we to judge? What does it accomplish to make fun of priests?

    Is contemporary music and all the other stuff you love to make fun of inherently wrong? I don't think so. I don't like it, but I realize that the people behind it are often just trying to praise God the best way they know how. Yes, there are some that have an agenda, but not all.

    I am just sick and tired of people who are so confident in their own holiness that it becomes acceptable for them to make fun of or judge others. You don't lead other people to God that way. You deal an incredible blow to your credibility when you can see all kinds of wrong with contemporary Catholicism, but you think mocking images of our Pope and priests is okay.

    Everything about this is contrary to what the Bible teaches us, and I think you should take a step back and think about it.

  18. Patrick Archbold, perhaps you should start selling t-shirts to help advertise? I also like the Papa Bens New and Improved. :D

  19. I simply believe it is reprehensible to make fun of ... any person for that matter.

    If it works for you, fine. The key words there are "I believe." What constitutes "making fun of" someone is open to question. I think it's possible to have a good laugh without it crossing into judgment or condemnation. I tease my father all the time (and he returns the favor). Is it because I think there is something wrong or bad about him? Not at all; it's done out of affection.

    I am just sick and tired of people who are so confident in their own holiness that it becomes acceptable for them to make fun of or judge others.

    I'm trying to figure out what being confident in one's own holiness such that it becomes acceptable to judge others would look like. It couldn't be....oh....something like this?

    Everything about this is contrary to what the Bible teaches us, and I think you should take a step back and think about it.

    Q.E.D. Well done.

  20. I'd love a t-shirt that says "Ask me about my extraordinary form."

  21. The blogger at Eternity Road has complained about the priest in the picture several times- see

  22. Maybe Jennifer ought to cut the sanctimony and defend the Church. Hers is the exact "patience" and "tolerance" that has led to 40 years of this nonsense and a complete squandering of the Church's moral authority. And you sound pretty "confident" of your own acceptance of this malificience, so quit pointing fingers yourself.

  23. Brilliant! Thanks for the laugh. Much needed today as we slip & slide to Govt.-run HELLthcare.

  24. I wish they would have a Mass for those of us who find the Church's rigid and dogmatic teachings problematic. I've been a Eucharistic Minister in the Richmond, VA diocese for thirty-five years and still find myself getting irritated by those few self-righteous theatrically pious show-offs who insist on silly things like genuflecting and sticking their tongues out at me.

  25., so this got a little off topic. I think it's hilarious! Also, Richmond anonymous: Whoa. Talk about harshly judging...Maybe those "show offs" are really sincere? And maybe they're not, but it's really up to God to know that, and not, thankfully, you.

  26. oh man that made me laugh so hard. Thanks hahaha.

    And I think for everyone who's jumping down patrick's throat, he didn't call anyone any bad names or anything. Unless you're saying hippie is a bad name, in which case gosh, you should really lay off the hippies :-p He was just being funny, if you don't like funny this isn't a good blog for anyone to read! lol

  27. If it weren't for people like Jennifer, we wouldn't recognize our Church...!!! We are ALL God's children...a little discretion goes a long way...!

    None of us have it all together, but together we have it all!!!

    We needn't offend another christian to get our point across...!!!

    JMHO, Thanks, Fran

  28. As far as anyone feeling sorry for misled priests and religious . . . plenty of these "misled" did really bad things to others in seminaries and formation houses. No matter what "changes in the Church" are going on, there is no excuse for forsaking the Gospel of Christ and the Love of God in the name of newness. Let's ditch the theoretical suppositions.

  29. I am just astounded by the number of people who don't have any kind of problem with this. While I did not intend to "jump down anyone's throat", I have no qualms about speaking my mind if I think something is offensive to God. I am sure Patrick had no malicious intent, but I do believe he made a mistake in creating this image.

    Let me walk you through this. Some people think that putting Sandra Sotomayor's face on Our Lady of Guadalupe is entertaining. Some people think that Jesus Christ Superstar is entertaining. Some people think that putting a crucifix in a jar of piss is entertaining. Some people think that making the Pope look like Santa Claus holding wads of cash and jokingly using an image of a priest performing the holy mass is entertaining. What, pray tell, is the difference??? What gives you the unique privilege to laugh at things that shouldn't be funny? Because you're "in" with God? Think about it!

    I am not trying to make Patrick feel horrible about himself, I just don't think it is healthy for any Catholic to go down this path. Some things should be sacred and respected. I know you agree with that.

    I am just writing as one imperfect Catholic to others, trusting that you all have the best intentions. Contrary to what many of you probably think, I am not a dour-faced boring old lady. I am 28 years old, fun-loving, wife of a Catholic convert, and have a great sense of humor. But I don't need to laugh about church. I am not a frequent visitor to this website (found this particular post via a link from a friend), but I have seen other material on here that I think is fine and tastefully done. This one simply isn't.

  30. Patrick- I think your post is hysterical, if we can't laugh about this stuff then we would spend all day crying.

    Up here in liberal la-la land Maine we have a had 40 years of hippy-dippy priests and now we are reaping the harvest: 4 seminarians in a diocese with a huge priest shortage. Each priest is covering 3-4 parishes and having to spend all day Sunday in the car trying to race from one far-flung Mass to another.

    This is the fruit of clunker priests: no vocations.

    And for Jennifer who excuses liturgical abuse with the disfunctional childhood theory, there is no shortage of books out there for seminarians and priests to read and learn what the Church teaches. They can start with the Catechism and Summa Theologica.

  31. No one is trying to make the Pope look like Santa Claus. That is a picture of the Holy Father wearing the -Camauro-, which is traditional headware for the pontiffs.

  32. That hippie priest could be Jesus (long hair and all), and the orthodox could be the Jewish leaders. We are all the holy Jews laughing about the hippie (not on the Sabbath though!)

  33. Another vote for Bwahahahahahahaha!

  34. Love the idea, but the cropped photo of the Pope fingering what looks like filthy money leaves me cold. Cold. Not funny at all.

  35. This is the best posting ever!

  36. Here is the priest shown above with his lecture on "tolerance." Talk about holier than thou. Sadly, we are where we are because we tolerate everything!

  37. Very good. Who says Catholics can't laugh at themselves?

  38. I, for one, love it.

    "Angels fly because they take themselves lightly." - GKC.

    I thought it was hilarious, and since it didn't single out a particular priest (his name isn't on it) and it was done in good humor (not destructive humor that tears people down) I think it's fine. We could probably all do with a little humility on the issue, but perhaps a little reality check too-- neither the image nor the resulting discussion warrants such serious discussion. If the images were blasphemous or profane, or the commenters disrespectful, well, then it'd be justified. But at this point a harmless bit of fun is getting mired in muck.

    And personally, I think being willing and able to poke fun at ourselves (not mean-spiritedly, of course) and not holding anything or anyone "untouchable" is part of our faith and our human nature. Untouchable human institutions has caused a lot of trouble for us.

  39. One of the funniest things I have encountered in a long time.

    Keep them coming!!

    Mr. H

  40. LOL - this is BRILLIANT! Thanks for the laugh! :)

  41. OK, I'm feeling the need to defend Jennifer here. This is feeling a pile on on this poor woman (who is not me, fyi). I do think those of us who create this stuff need to think--are we making fun our ourselves (OK by me) or making fun of "them" within our communion (like it or not)? There is a big difference. I can see people reading this either way. Jennifer is simply advocating he primacy of charity, something B16 just wrote a spanking great encyclical on....

    Anyway, carry on....

  42. Ironic Catholic, there is no charity without humility. Dear Jennifer has quite a journey ahead of her. She should work on her condescending manner as well.

  43. The picture of the Swingin'-Seventies groovy priest is neither Photoshopped nor pulled from the dusty archives of some now-extinct order.

    It is his current publicity photo.

  44. Patrick, this is funny stuff, and just when I needed it.


  45. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

    @ Jennifer: How can a priest have a bad formation if he has access to the Scripture, books of the Church Fathers and the Code of Canon Law? Hint: it's sort of a trick question.

    I mean, a priest is supposed to be a *priest* for Pete's sake.

  46. His publicity photo has not kept up with the times. A current view of the poofy, middle-parted hair and the big beard, no less plenteous but somewhat paler, is available here:

  47. LOVE THIS!!!!! Just posted a link to it on my blog.

  48. Liberal Catholicism in a nutshell:
    Nuns in light cotton dresses that are too tight at the top and too loose at the bottom dancing banners around the altar? Great!
    Clown Masses? Innovative (they *are* out there, rare, but in existence)
    _Glory and Praise For Kids_ (a redundant title if ever there was one)? The liberal says, "brings the kids in" (even as the kids make fun of every song in the book).
    Host falls out of the Monstrance and rolls down the aisle? Hilarious!
    Man with Down's Syndrome singing at Mass? The liberals guffaw (behind his back, of course).

    A conservative dares to mock their treasured hymns or liturgical practices? "That's irreverent and uncharitable!"

  49. lol! YOu left out DRE's! My "clunker" is a DRE.

  50. I just found this post - so I'm commenting a long time after everyone else. After reading the entire post and the comments, what I keep thinking about is Jennifer's posts. First of all, I think she has a point, but G.K. Chesterton she is not. Meaning, she simply does not know how to speak the truth with love and tact. Good that she wants to defend God - but SHE comes off sounding self-righteous (she says rather snippy that she usually does not read this site), and the fact that she has to explain that she is "fun-loving" clues me in that she IS NOT fun-loving. She sounds more like she is defending God - not out of love (which if that was her motivation - it would shine through her words). But out of a need to do it for herself and because she has not love for the people she wants to "correct". That's why she doesn't sound right - even though she has a point about being careful about what we say about dissident, heretical, leading millions of souls astray priests. BUT she is INCORRECT about not judging. I DO JUDGE a priest when I hear him say Mass for the first time to see if he is one of the progress, heretical priests so rampant now. Then I get my tail out of that church and find an orthodox Catholic priest who knows how to guide me to heaven -- NOT hell. But hey, the post gave me a little smile, because unfortunatley it is true about clunker clergy and lay people. Also, when someone is so defensive, like Jennifer, it usually means they really are in the camp of liking the dissident, guitar singing, (Protestant) type Masses. She just wouldn't sound that defensive and cranky - it's a hard pill to swallow, but it's just so.


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