Jesus Had Laser Beams (Sharks Not Included)

Now, theologically it is clear that Jesus didn't need laser beams to create the shroud, but the fact that he did shows just how cool He is. Cause being God, he knew how cool lasers would be.
Scientists say Turin Shroud image created by ultraviolet lasers

The exact origins of the Turin Shroud remain a great mystery, but scientists are now disputing the long-held belief that the religious artifact is a medieval forgery.

Italian researchers at the National Agency for New Technologies, Energy and Sustainable Economic Development say they believe the image was created by an ultraviolet “flash of light.” However, if that theory is true, it remains a mystery as to exactly how that technology could have been implemented at the time of the Shroud’s creation. While the technology is readily available in present day, it was far beyond the means of anyone around pre-20th Century.

The Turin Shroud is said to be the burial cloth of Jesus, but has long been believed to be a fake, created during medieval times. It is currently kept in a climate-controlled case in Turin cathedral. Scientists at the Italian agency have reportedly spent years attempting to recreate the Shroud’s imagery. ‘The results show a short and intense burst of UV directional radiation can colour a linen cloth so as to reproduce many of the peculiar characteristics of the body image on the Shroud of Turin,’ the scientists said.

“When one talks about a flash of light being able to color a piece of linen in the same way as the shroud, discussion inevitably touches on things such as miracles,” said Professor Paolo Di Lazzaro, who led the study. “But as scientists, we were concerned only with verifiable scientific processes. We hope our results can open up a philosophical and theological debate.”
No word on whether sharks played a role in its creation, but I suspect science will one day verify this as well.

ht Gateway Pundit


  1. Albino squirrels are normally behind these type of shenanigans.

  2. It would make sense that God would use coherent light to imprint His image on the Shroud, would it not?

  3. Ingenious, those albino monks! It's obvious that they have kept this technology secret, until Dan Brown brought down their facade with his own, laser-like piercing eyes of discernment.

  4. I often tell people that the Shroud is much more inexplicable as a medieval forgery than as a miracle ... unless you want to attribute it to mischievous aliens. (*snicker* "Watch'em get their panties in a twist over this in about eight hundred years! BWAA-HAHAHAHAHA-AA!")

  5. Albinos, monk or squirrel (chipmunk?), would probably not be involved in major flashes of ultraviolet light. Just doesn't really seem like their weapon of choice.

  6. "[S]cientists are now disputing the long-held belief that the religious artifact is a medieval forgery." Long-held? Since 1990-what?

  7. Laser. Yeah, um, sure. Leonard da Vinci or a little old Benedictine monk had lasers. And Napoleon was 6 feet tall, doncha know.

  8. Napoleon was 5'7" tall, slightly above-average height for his era. The English thought he was short because in French measurements (back then every country had its own units) he was something like 5'3"—because the French units were slightly larger.

    Anyway, because this is the Internet, I will posit the obvious explanation: aliens.

  9. "We hope our results can open up a philosophical and theological debate.” Miracles vs Aliens


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