First, Kill All The Ushers

If ever they appoint me King of Liturgy, my first act as tyrant will be to kill all the ushers. Well, not the ushers themselves, but the position as it is currently conceived.

Ushers, in my mind, should limit their duties to assisting old people to find a seat on Christmas and Easter and maybe a few other small duties. What I do know is that the current tyranny of the ushers must stop.

I truly believe that the presence of ushers and forced row-by-row communion cajoles many people into receiving communion when they are not properly prepared.

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*subhead*Must stop.*subhead*


  1. I thought it was going to be the old definition of an usher as "the only man in the church who doesn't know how many people fit in a pew."

    But your piece was a tad more valuable than that.



  2. You don't need ushers for this type of behavior. I've not gone up to receive communion before and the people would not leave me alone until I got up and got in line. I got in line but just got a blessing. People need to mind their own business at Mass.

  3. You would love Mass in Eastern CT. No ushers. Just random men who spring up to take up a collection, returning to their seats, and never quite make the transformation into bossy ushers. We all line up for Holy Communion on our own, and it all goes off without a hitch or a single dirty look. Did I mention we have to EMs either? Plenty of time for prayer.

  4. What's an EM?

    In my parish we have no ushers. When visiting a church that does, one resents being herded in approved channels of movement, as if we were customers at a Barnes & Noble.

  5. We go to a parish when we can't make it to our own where the Ushers stand at the end of the pew and shakes everyone's hand as they go up for Communion. It's like a second Handshake of Peace.
    I ignore him. Nothing personal.

  6. First, kill the EMHCs. Next, the ushers. It's all in the priorities.

  7. I guess I don't see it. The ushers at our church do very little except waive a basket in front of you. Then block your way out of the pew during communion to ensure that slow little old lady doesn't get trampled in the stampede towards the alter. I don't see these guys as a threat to humanity.

  8. I remember the days when ushers were necessary to find a seat at a typical Sunday Mass.
    No ushers at my parish for Communion, we pretty much figure it out for ourselves and the Mr. Handshake Usher can't touch my hands as they are folded in front of my heart.

  9. I guess I don't see it.

    Probably because you didn't read it all the way through, or else you would have realized the post wasn't necessarily about ushers specifically, and certainly not that they are a threat to humanity.


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